Why YOU take rejection so personally AND how to stop spiraling!!!

Let me tell you a quick story.

It involves a guy, a girl, and a moment that could’ve been out of a rom-com—if it weren’t for the epic crash and burn.

So, my friend Jason (not his real name because I like being alive) finally worked up the courage to ask out his crush. He practiced what he’d say, picked the perfect moment, even wore his “lucky” sneakers. He walks up, smiles, opens his mouth—and boom. She politely says she’s flattered but not interested.

Cue the meltdown.

Jason didn’t just take it personally. He took it as a referendum on his entire existence. For three weeks, he spiraled: “I’m not good enough. I’ll never find someone. Why do I even try?”

Sound familiar?

You don’t have to be asking someone out to feel the sting. Maybe you didn’t get the job. Maybe your idea got shut down in a meeting. Or maybe your bestie didn’t invite you to that thing and you suddenly feel like you’re in middle school all over again.

So why do we take rejection so personally—even when we know it’s not the end of the world?

 The (Brainy) Science Behind the Sting

Let’s get nerdy for a second. MRI studies show that rejection activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). So yeah…when your pitch gets ignored or your crush says “nah,” your brain processes that pain like a punch in the gut.

But that’s not all.

According to Dr. Guy Winch, author of Emotional First Aid, rejection sends us into a loop of negative self-talk, often distorting our perception of reality. One small “no” becomes “I’m worthless and everyone hates me,” even if the rejection was never personal in the first place.

And here's a stat for my overthinkers: A Psychology Today article notes that we’re 5x more likely to remember negative social interactions than positive ones (Rozin & Royzman, 2001). So naturally, your brain clings to rejection like it’s a juicy tabloid headline.

Let’s talk about Why It’s Not (Actually) About You

Here’s the deal: most rejection isn’t about your worth—it’s about fit.

The hiring manager picked someone with a different skill set. The client said no because of budget. The date didn’t go well because they’re still into their ex (yikes).

In business and in life, rejection is often redirection. That no might just be nudging you toward the yes that actually aligns with who you are.

Let’s Reframe the Rejection with 3 Quick Shifts

If you’re prone to spiraling like Jason, try these:

✅ Depersonalize it: Ask, “What else could be true here?” (Maybe the client just had a bad day.) Maybe this crush is not dating anyone right now as she’s building her empire.

✅ Audit the story: Are you telling yourself “I’m not good enough” or “This just wasn’t the right fit”?

✅ Practice exposure: Yep, go get rejected on purpose. Rejection therapy is a real thing—and it works. The more you face it, the less power it has.

Rejection is Proof You’re In the Game

People who never feel rejection…

They’re probably not trying.

Not building.

Not showing up.

But you are. That alone deserves a gold star, a victory dance, and maybe a cupcake.

So next time rejection shows up, don’t run. Nod, learn, and keep moving. Because the only people who never get rejected... are the ones who never dared.

And you? You’re built for bigger things than playing it safe!

Three things to ALWAYS remember:

Be CONFIDENT!

Be EMPATHETIC!

AND ALWAYS HAVE PASSION!!!!