The “Topper” in the Room: What to Say and How to Act When Someone Tries to Outshine You

“Oh, you ran a 5K? That’s cute. I just signed up for an Ironman.”
“You closed a deal? Nice! I landed three new clients before lunch.”
“You read that book? I actually met the author. Twice.”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there. You're sharing a moment of pride or a fun story, and BAM—someone swoops in to outdo, outshine, or outsmart you.

Enter… The Topper.

They’re the one-upper, the humblebrag artist, the human megaphone of their own accomplishments. The one that needs that pat on the back and someone telling them how awesome they are.

But what do you do when someone always tries to look better, smarter, or more important than you? You may be triggered or really ticked off however how you respond is in your control. 

Let’s break it down—with a little psychology, a splash of strategy, and a lot of humor.

Why Do They Do It? (Hint: It’s Not Always About You)

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people often engage in self-enhancement to protect their self-image—especially in competitive or insecure environments (Sedikides & Gregg, 2008). That “topper” at work? They might be trying to mask their own self-doubt or fear of irrelevance.

In fact, a study from the University of Michigan found that 75% of workplace braggers are actually perceived as less competent and likable over time—even if their accomplishments are real (Holoien & Fiske, 2013).

So, the good news? You're not imagining it—and you're probably not the only one rolling your eyes.

So, What do you Say in these situations that feel like Conversation Jiu-Jitsu?

Rather than calling them out or going toe-to-toe (tempting as it may be), try these subtle power moves:

1. “That’s awesome! You must’ve learned a lot doing that.”
This acknowledges their story without giving up your spotlight. It also redirects the convo to learning, not ego.

2. “Wow, we’ve both had some great wins lately.”
A gentle nudge that your accomplishments also matter—without being combative.

3. “I’d love to hear more about that later—right now I was just sharing…”
This one’s firm but respectful. It sets a boundary, especially if they hijacked the conversation.

It’s important to not only know what to say but also How to Act. Confidence Is Quiet

Topper behavior can trigger our inner competitors. But reacting with calm, quiet confidence is your secret weapon.

Why? Because true confidence doesn’t need a spotlight. According to a study published in Harvard Business Review, leaders who display humble confidence—listening more than they speak, acknowledging others—are rated as 38% more effective than self-promoters (Owens & Hekman, 2015).

So instead of trying to win the noise war, own the room with presence, not performance:

• Make eye contact.

• Speak at a measured pace.

• Don’t rush to fill silence (silence is powerful).

• And when they brag? Smile like you’ve heard bigger.

A Power Thought to Keep in Your Back Pocket

"The loudest person in the room is often the weakest one."
—Frank Lucas (and yes, Denzel Washington made it iconic in American Gangster)

Let them be loud. You just keep being confident and effective.

The Bottom Line is what’s important.

When someone constantly tries to look better or smarter than you:

• Don’t compete. Stay curious.

• Redirect with grace. Hold your ground.

• Know that your value isn’t up for negotiation.

Because at the end of the day, the most magnetic people aren’t the ones who shout the loudest—but the ones who make others feel seen, heard, and valued.

And guess what? That’s you.

Three things to ALWAYS remember:

Be CONFIDENT!

Be EMPATHETIC!

AND ALWAYS HAVE PASSION!!!!