How to Stop Letting Toxic People Drain Your Energy and Confidence

Last Tuesday morning, I had barely gotten my day started when my phone buzzed. I thought…"Ugh, what now?", already knowing who it was. Sure enough, it was Lisa—the friend who always has a crisis, a complaint, or some drama that needed urgent attention.

I sat at my desk staring at the message thinking to myself, "I don't have the energy for this today." But I replied anyway, knowing if I didn’t she would just keep texting or call me. Which often times is more painful.

And just like that, my good mood disappeared, sucked into the vortex of Lisa’s latest disaster.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Studies show that toxic relationships can significantly impact mental health.

According to the American Psychological Association, exposure to negativity and stress from toxic people can increase cortisol levels, leading to anxiety, fatigue, and even physical health problems.

And yet, many of us struggle to set boundaries, fearing guilt, conflict, or the dreaded "What if I'm being a bad friend?"

The Energy Drain is Real

Ever feel completely exhausted after interacting with certain people? It’s not in your head. A study published in Health Psychology found that negative social interactions can directly affect your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness. Toxic people don’t just drain your energy; they compromise your well-being.

The problem is, most of us don’t recognize the slow leak until we're running on empty.

It starts with small things: the chronic complainer, the friend who never asks how you’re doing, the co-worker who undermines you in meetings.

Before you know it, you’re stressed, second-guessing yourself, and feeling like you're walking on eggshells.

Sound familiar?

Let’s dive into strategies that can help YOU to Reclaim Your Energy and Confidence

1. Spot the Energy Vampires
   Not all toxic people are obvious villains. Some are disguised as "well-meaning" friends or colleagues who subtly erode your confidence. If you often feel drained, anxious, or unappreciated after seeing someone, it’s time to reassess that relationship.

Ask yourself: Do you feel more empowered or depleted after spending time with them? If you leave every interaction feeling emotionally exhausted, that’s a sign. Even small, passive-aggressive behaviors—like backhanded compliments, subtle put-downs, or guilt trips—can be just as toxic as outright negativity.

2. Set Boundaries Like a Pro
   Boundaries aren’t mean; they’re necessary. A Harvard Business Review article on workplace toxicity highlights that firm boundaries can reduce workplace stress by up to 40%. Start small: limit your response time, redirect conversations, or simply say, "I can’t talk right now." The key? Consistency.

Practice phrases like:

"I can’t commit to that right now."

"I value our friendship, but I need to take care of myself, too."

"I understand you’re going through a lot, but I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to discuss this right now."

The more you enforce boundaries, the easier it becomes to maintain them without guilt.

3. Stop Playing Therapist
   If someone constantly dumps their problems on you but never takes action, you’re not helping—you’re enabling. Offer support, but don’t become their emotional crutch. A simple, "That sounds tough—what do you think you’ll do about it?" shifts responsibility back where it belongs.

People who truly value your friendship will respect your time and emotional energy.

Those who lash out or try to manipulate you when you set boundaries?

That’s a red flag!

4. Detox Your Social Circle
   Jim Rohn famously said, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." If your circle includes negativity, drama, and manipulation, it’s time for an upgrade. Surround yourself with those who uplift, challenge, and inspire you.

Research from the University of Kansas suggests that deep, meaningful friendships contribute to higher levels of happiness and well-being. So, ask yourself… Who in your life makes you feel valued, appreciated, and respected?

Prioritize those relationships.

5. Trust Your Gut
   If someone’s presence makes you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it. Science backs this up. Research from the University of California suggests that gut feelings are often accurate indicators of social threats. If a relationship feels off, listen to your intuition.

Your body often knows before your brain catches up. If you find yourself dreading interactions, feeling drained afterward, or questioning your worth because of someone’s behavior, it’s time to step back.

Additional Strategies for Protecting Your Energy

• Limit Exposure: If you can’t completely cut someone out (like a co-worker or family member), minimize your interactions. Keep conversations short and avoid getting pulled into drama.

• Use the “Grey Rock” Method: This technique involves responding to toxic people in a dull, uninterested manner. By not giving them emotional reactions, they often lose interest in engaging with you.

• Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that recharge you—whether it’s exercise, meditation, journaling, or simply spending time with positive people.

• Seek Support: Talking to a coach, therapist, or trusted friend can help reinforce your confidence and strategies for managing difficult people.

Final Thoughts…Give yourself Permission to Protect Your Peace

I finally reached my breaking point. The next time Lisa messaged, I took a deep breath and replied, "Hey, I care about you, but I’m really busy right now and can’t always be the person you vent to. I hope you understand."

Lisa was shocked. She pushed back and tried calling me. But I didn’t answer and stood my ground. And for the first time in years, I felt... free.

You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your energy. Prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish…it’s essential. Because when you clear out toxic relationships, you make room for the connections that truly nourish and uplift you. And that’s the kind of energy worth protecting.

So, what’s one toxic relationship you’re ready to step back from today?

Grab my free eBook, Discipline Made Simple: 5 Proven Steps to Transform Your Life in the Next 30 Days— https://www.jrsrmanagement.com/signup-f3ab2053-5e66-4f03-8c95-a0e65717abec

 Three things to ALWAYS remember:

Be CONFIDENT!

Be EMPATHETIC!

AND ALWAYS HAVE PASSION!!!!