Are Your Communication Habits Sabotaging Your Relationships and Influence?

Let’s be real…communication is the backbone of every relationship personally or professionally.

Yet even the best of us might unknowingly be sabotaging our connections through subtle communication missteps.

It’s not always about what you’re saying but how you’re saying it.

In this video, I’d like to dive into this often-overlooked topic and uncover whether your communication habits are helping or hurting your relationships and influence.

The Surprising Power of Communication

Did you know that a whopping 93% of communication is nonverbal?

According to research by psychologist Albert Mehrabian

· 55% of communication is body language

· 38% is tone of voice

· and only 7% is the actual words you use.

That means even the most carefully chosen words can fall flat if your tone or body language says otherwise.

Are your crossed arms, distracted glances, or sighs sending messages you don’t intend?

Think about this. Also think about people you interact with…is their body language sending you a signal…one where you feel negative or positive toward someone? Take a minute to be mindful of how others act and how you feel as a result. This can be very eye-opening for yourself in what you may like to change.

Similarly, a study by McKinsey found that effective communication increases team productivity by up to 25%, emphasizing how crucial it is in the workplace.

Imagine what poor communication could be costing you in terms of trust, collaboration, or influence—both professionally and personally.

What are Common Communication Saboteurs?

Here are 5 sneaky habits that might be eroding your relationships:

1. Saboteur #1: Interrupting Mid-Sentence: You might think you’re contributing to the conversation, but interrupting sends a message that you value your input more than the other person’s.

   • Research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that teams with members who interrupt frequently report 20% lower satisfaction and trust levels.

2. Saboteur #2: Overusing “You” Statements: Starting sentences with “You always” or “You never” can feel accusatory and escalate conflicts.

   • Try to Reframe with “I feel” or “I’ve noticed” to make it less confrontational.

3. Saboteur #3: Multitasking During Conversations: Scrolling through your phone or glancing at your email while someone’s talking to you? Guilty! We all are! This habit screams, “You’re not important to me right now.”

   • A study from Virginia Tech showed that the mere presence of a smartphone reduces connection levels during face-to-face conversations by 30%. So, for important conversations consider leaving the phone in another location.

4. Sabateur #4: Avoiding Difficult Conversations: Pretending problems don’t exist doesn’t make them go away—it often makes them worse. According to Crucial Learning, 70% of employees avoid difficult conversations with their boss, coworker, or direct report, leading to unresolved tensions. 

We’ve all been there. Sometimes all that frustration builds up over time and you end up blowing your top which isn’t professional. So, try to have these conversations when things get a little rocky right out of the gate to not only get your frustrations on the table, but get past it and get it off your mind and focus.

5. Sabateur #5: Not Listening to Understand: Are you listening to respond or listening to understand? Active listening, leaning in, nodding, paraphrasing—helps build empathy and trust.

People can quickly read and make an impression about you on this one alone. And it can hurt your credibility. Take the time to focus on the conversation and be present, you may learn something you didn’t know or more importantly, build a relationship with someone that can benefit you personally or professionally. 

The Ripple Effect of Poor Communication

Think bad communication habits only affect a single relationship?

Think again.

Poor communication ripples out, harming not just one connection but your overall reputation and influence.

In a study by The Economist Intelligence Unit, 44% of employees said poor communication caused a delay or failure in project delivery, and 18% reported a loss of a sale.

What about your personal relationships?

According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, communication habits predict 90% of relationship success or failure.

If you’re not paying attention to how you communicate, you’re playing with fire in both your personal and professional life.

How can YOU Improve Your Communication Habits

Ready to make a change? Here’s how you can start:

1. Adopt the “Pause and Reflect” Method: Before you respond in any conversation, pause and consider whether your words will add value or clarity.

2. Use the 3-to-1 Rule: For every one piece of constructive feedback, offer three positive observations. This technique fosters trust and balances conversation. This is helpful when giving feedback to someone on your team if you are a leader as you want to help this person get better but not put them in a mindset that you are unsatisfied with everything they are doing.

3. Schedule “Tech-Free” Conversations: Dedicate time for undistracted discussions, whether it’s at the dinner table or during one-on-ones with your team.

4. Learn the Art of Nonviolent Communication: Pioneered by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, this approach emphasizes empathy, clear requests, and removing blame from conversations.

5. Invest in Your Communication Skills: Workshops, books, or even apps like Headway and Blinkist can help you build better habits.

The Bottom Line

Whether you’re a CEO, team leader, partner, or friend, your communication habits define how others perceive you and how successful your relationships become. Are your habits aligned with the impact you want to have? If not, it’s never too late to change.

Take a moment today to audit your communication style.

What habits could you improve?

What small change could create a big difference?

Share your thoughts in the comments. I would love to hear some tips and tricks that you have used in the past.

Let’s start a life creating conversations that matter and set us up for success and peak performance.

If you found this content valuable, please consider sharing and subscribing and I’ll see you next week!

Sources: Mehrabian, A. (1971). Silent Messages; The Economist Intelligence Unit; Gottman, J. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; McKinsey Global Institute.

Three things to ALWAYS remember:

Be CONFIDENT!

Be EMPATHETIC!

AND ALWAYS HAVE PASSION!!!!